


Only Words

by A_Winter



Series: Torn [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Apologies, Letters, M/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 02:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10732476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Winter/pseuds/A_Winter
Summary: A series of letters which link Torn to the oncoming sequel and hopefully begins the healing process for the reader's I've hurt with Torn. Please let me know what you think and anyone you'd like to see a letter from!





	1. Last Words

**Author's Note:**

> I love you all!

My Dearest Thorin,

By the time you read this I will be gone, I am unsure at this stage if that will matter to you or not but I still ask that you do not follow me or send anyone after me.  
I am going home to the Shire; I believe this is now what’s best for the both of us. We are rarely in the same room together Thorin, I am of no real use to your kingdom aside from babysitting Elves but I can see you have feelings of some kind for the Dwarrowdam and I no longer feel I have the right to stand in your way. We are not good for each other Thorin, we have both changed since coming to Erebor and I no longer think those changes are healthy and while I believe you loved me once I can no longer pretend you still do so I am leaving, I am releasing you from your vows. Start your life anew, marry and have the children I could never give you.  
It’s time for us to both listen to our hearts and move on, there’s nothing else we can do but say goodbye. I only wish for you to be happy Thorin because despite what’s happened between us I do still love you, be kind to your people and be the King I know you are capable of.  
I will not return to Erebor, it would break my heart to see you happy with another but I do wish you peace and prosperity.

Goodbye,  
Bilbo


	2. A Brother's words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bofur writes his letter

Dear Bilbo, 

I hope you arrived home safely and that your package made the journey intact, by my best guess you will have been home about a month with good travel. How is the Shire? Are you settling back in? Bombur wants to know if you’re eating enough and Bifur asks after your garden… Bilbo I am so sorry, sorry that we failed you as your family and didn’t protect you. I will never forgive myself for failing you so badly.   
I have told the members of the company in Erebor that you’ve returned home, I was a bit vague with the details but stopped them following you. Expect letters. Dis and the lads are due back in another month with Dain, poor weather has kept them in the Iron Hills but by the time this reaches you they should be home. I don’t know how they will react to the news of you returning home. Mahal give me strength. 

I hope to visit you soon if I can sneak away, I hope your open invitation to tea still stands. 

Yours always,   
Bofur

P.S. Thorin has not left his rooms since you left; I will stop him if he tries to come after you.


	3. Our Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ori writes for her family

Dear Bilbo, 

It’s not the same here without you, it’s like the mountain suddenly became colder and silent. Dri has been asking after you and Dwalin is as unhelpful as ever but I understand why you left. I can tell Bofur is hiding things but I can only assume that your injuries were worse than you let on.   
Bilbo I am so sorry! If I had realised… I’m just so sorry Bilbo. I miss you. Dori send his best, he’s also asking a hundred mothering questions so please let us know you’re okay and returned safely otherwise I fear Nori may come knocking on your door. I’d do it myself but Oin say I am too far gone to travel now, our new little one is growing quickly I wish you could meet them. Perhaps you will one day? 

Take care of yourself, all our love!  
Ori, Dri, Dori and Nori  
(Dwalin grumbled something about missed cookies so I guess he counts to!)


	4. Words of compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Balin tries to encourage Bilbo back

Bilbo, 

I hope you are doing well lad, the company is getting concerned that we haven’t heard from you. Please let us know you’ve arrived home safely. Dis and the princes have returned to Erebor, it was a mission not to have the three run back off to the Shire to find you. You are missed here. 

Thorin has finally begun leaving his rooms but he’s not the same Dwarrow Bilbo, without you here it is like he has lost the will to live. He asked Dis to sheer him of his beard and his braids. As a Hobbit you may not fully understand the significance of this act but this is the ultimate show of regret a Dwarf can take.   
I understand part of what he has done, I understand that you had to leave but it is different now. It wasn’t the real Thorin, it was the Gold sickness that had plagued his line for generations. You leaving seems to have been what he needed to be released from its hold, you can come back Bilbo and everything will be as it was in the beginning. 

With hope, 

Balin


	5. Words of a King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin

Dearest Bilbo, 

You’ve been gone from Erebor for a year now, I hope with all of my heart that you are safe and well in Bag End. I know there is no amount of apologies I can offer that will make up for what I have done, what I did to you but please know that I am sorry, that I regret my actions with every fibre of my being and that if you asked it of me I would give my life to make amends. 

Erebor is no longer the home it once was, Dis speaks to me only for official business and my nephews do not speak to me at all. Some of the company will still see me but even then I see the anger in their eyes and I know it is justified, I deserve nothing less and could ask for no more. 

I know I will never be able to ask for your forgiveness and please rest assured that I will not follow you to the Shire unless the day comes that you ask it of me just know that if ever there is anything you need that I will give it to you. That though you released me from my vows I will honour them to the best of my ability, that I do still love you. 

I hope you are safe and well, 

Thorin, King of Idiots. 

P.S. Ori had a little girl this time, named Orchid.


	6. Words of hope

Dear Bilbo, 

Two years now you’ve been gone and I still feel as though I can hear your voice around every corner. I hope you are well, have your tomatoes grown back to their award-winning size? Has your cousin tried to steal your spoons again?  
It’s snowing today, a bit early this year but it is beautiful, does it snow much in the shire? I realise I never learnt much about your home. 

Thranduil has agreed to a new trade agreement, I don’t know how you managed it all the time Bilbo after an hour I was ready to rip out what is left of my hair. 

Kili spoke to me for the first time since you left this week, he asked me to pass him the salt at dinner. It’s not much but after two years of silence I could have started dancing on the table. 

I hope you are well and happy, I pray that you are not alone in your smial. I hope you are smiling; you always did have the most beautiful smile. 

I love you Bilbo. 

Thorin.


	7. Words of assurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo writes to Bofur

Dear Bofur, 

I am sorry it has taken me so long to write, I cannot go into the specifics but I am home in Bag End and you are always welcome. 

I’m sending this back with the messenger from Thorin’s annual letter so I hope it gets to you swiftly, please let the company know I am safe but will not be returning. 

How fitting, Orchid and Belladonna both growing like weeds I’m sure. 

Bilbo.


	8. words of regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's Third annual letter

Dearest Bilbo, 

Erebor continues to grow in your absence; I wish you could see it. You’d be so proud of Dale and their crops, the men have learned much from your teachings.

My advisors wish for me to take on a new consort but I simply cannot do it Bilbo, I know I made mistakes and that I have no one to blame but myself but my heart still belongs to you. The only reason I considered another was to give us the children I believed we had been denied, I have since learnt how truly wrong I was. Bilbo I cannot begin to apologise enough, I know my actions are unforgivable but I must tell you that nothing truly happened with Adina beyond a kiss. For a time I had expected it to, I had thought it my duty but truly I could not give myself to someone other than you. I know you have no reason to believe me or even to read my words but I must tell you. 

Bilbo I love you still as the day I married you, I regret breaking my vows to you and hurting you so. I’d do anything for you Bilbo; command me to exile once more and I would abandon my throne, demand my life and it is yours. I miss you every day my love, the darkness still haunts me but I am better able to fight it now that I understand the hold it can have over me. 

Dis is still disgusted with me, she helps me to run the court but she will not look me in the eye but I expect no less. What I have done is disgraceful, I wish it could be undone my dear Bilbo. I wish nothing more than to wake up from this nightmare to find you once more in my arms and smiling as you once did. 

I hope your kin are treating you well, I love you Bilbo. 

Your Thorin.


	9. Gifted words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's fourth letter

Bilbo, 

Four years and I begin to wonder how you’ve changed, have you kept growing your hair? Have you returned to wearing your fussy little waist coats? Is it warm now in the Shire? Spring has set in at Erebor as I write this, I tend your garden as best I can but it too misses you. We all do, I understand that you do not wish to see me but might you consider returning to visit the rest of the company? Orchid is growing into a sturdy and beautiful lass, Dri asks after you often and Bofur refuses to speak of you. I believe he may be planning a trip soon, I hope it is to visit you but he says nothing. 

It has become too difficult for messengers to be sent to the Shire so I plan to send this letter by Raven, I hope it reaches you safely. Do not worry about sending the bird back as she is a gift for you. Her family have all passed on and she spends a lot of time hiding away in your garden, I thought she may like the Shire now that she is old enough for such a trip. She speaks some Westron but with general conversation she will become more fluent, name her as you see fit and use her to send letters to the company if you wish. They will be safe with her, if you do not wish to keep her simply set her free and she will find her way home to us. 

I hope you are well, 

Thorin.


	10. concered words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's fifth letter

Dearest Bilbo, 

I wonder what you named your Raven; I did not see her return so must think she has made the Shire her home. I hope she has not been a bother to you, this Raven is Roἂl and he is my own Raven and will return once he has delivered the letter. Please excuse his poor manners, he can be a bit bad tempered… I believe this is where you’d make some reference to pots and kettles. 

I miss your laugh Bilbo, I hope you are laughing again. 

I know I should stop sending these letters and if you tell me so I will but part of me feels that I must. As though it is the only way I can be sure you were not a dream created by my lonely mind, I miss you desperately. 

Fili and Kili have begun to take on more responsibilities in your absence, I believe they have used my failings as King as a warning for what may come to them. I believe they plan to rule together as Dis and I have come to, to support each other with equal authority to ensure that should one of them fall to the Madness of our line that the other can protect the kingdom. I think it is a very admirable idea, I have told them so and they smiled at me. It was a sad ghost of the smiles they once wore but it is a start, you would be so proud of them Bilbo. 

Bofur disappeared a few months ago and has yet to return, I assume he has gone to visit you but his kin worries he has not made it safely. It seems he did not inform anyone, including his brother and cousin of his departure. If he is with you please badger him until he send word home of his safety, Bifur is currently preparing for a search expedition and I do not think the stress good for him. He has been ill recently, nothing major and Oin says he is recovering find but should not be travelling. 

Keep well beloved, 

Thorin.


	11. Heeded Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's sixth letter

Bilbo, 

I wish you had been in Erebor for the fifth anniversary of the battle, you would have loved it! There was a grand feast with drinking and dancing, Gandalf even paid us a visit on his way to who knows where. He refused to mention you or your well-being; he seemed to know when someone planned to ask and would get this angry look about him. I’m sure you’ll find it amusing to know that I am now sporting a staff shaped bruise of my own on my head for my own troubles in that regard, stubborn wizard! 

Thank you for sending Dahlia with a message for Bifur, it calmed him greatly to know that Bofur was safe. Bombur gave him quite the dressing down when he returned to Erebor, it was a sight to behold with him wielding his ladle through the air in the middle of the market place. We all miss you Bilbo, I hope you are well. Since Bofur came back at all I must assume that you are otherwise I doubt your Dwarven brother would have agreed to leave at all or return looking quite so at peace. 

I must take that as good new Bilbo, they still will not speak to me of you or what, if anything, they have heard so I must take comfort where I can. I understand their actions, I know I have no right to ask after you but my heart aches to know you are safe. 

Thorin 

P.S. Roἂl has some seeds with him, they are from the crops in Dale and Bard wished to get them to you. I hope the blasted bird has not tried to eat them on the journey.


	12. Words of sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili sends a letter and it breaks my heart

Dear Bilbo, 

Mahal I don’t know where to start. 

I’m Sorry. I am so Very Sorry! We all are. I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me, I’m sorry for not stepping in when I knew something was wrong, I’m sorry for leaving Erebor, I’m sorry for not writing sooner, I’m just so very sorry! 

I hope you are happy in the Shire, I hope you are safe and smiling again. 

I don’t think I will ever forget returning from the Iron Hills to find you gone, it was like being hit in the chest with a barbed arrow; Kili cried when he found out. Mother stormed up to Thorin’s room, I don’t really know the specifics but you could hear her shouting all through the night. A lot of us weren’t sure if she’d murdered him through the night; a few of us wouldn’t have blamed her if she had but he still lives on. 

Bilbo I want to hate him for what he did, I know I should hate him and for so long I DID hate him but he looks so broken. He’s my uncle by blood and rightfully my King but I can’t look at him; I feel like my hearts being torn apart. On the one hand he sacrificed so much to help Amad raise us after Adad died but on the other hand he is an oath breaker and he Hurt you! I do not know what to do Bilbo, I wish you were here to tell me what I should do. 

Kili is just as lost but I don’t know what to tell him, he loves Thorin so much but he just can’t seem to fathom what he’s done. 

We tried to keep our distance, wasn’t sure if you’d even want to hear from us since we failed you but after you sent word to Bifur and Bofur visited we hoped it would be okay. 

Bilbo we miss you so much and we are so very sorry!

All our love, 

Fili & Kili, always at your service.


	13. Words of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo responds to Fili's letter

To my dearest and silliest of boys,

Please stop all of this apologising; what happened is no more your fault than the rise and fall of the sun. We have a saying in the Shire, The Harder the Winter the Brighter the Spring.   
Bad things happen my dear sweet boys but if we focus only on them then we miss all of the beautiful things happening around us. 

If you cannot forgive your Uncle then that is up to you but do not hold onto your pain because of me, I do not Hate Thorin. I understand that he was not in his right mind when I left and despite the pain Spring has returned to my life here in the Shire. I have an adopted son now, his name is Frodo. He is a sweet, mischievous lad whom I’m sure you’d all adore! Poor boy lost his parents a few years back now and he’s been living with me ever since. Technically he is a distant cousin but I have adopted him as my own, so your see that Spring has returned to my life here in the Shire. I have a daughter now also, her name is Donna. Go to Bofur, he met her on his visit and will tell you of her. 

See now, if I had not left Erebor to return to the Shire then I would not have my two beautiful faunts now. It is hard to write often with the two rascals running around so I apologise for not writing sooner. Please give the company my love, ask Ori to send me a sketch when she can of her little ones and you boys behave. 

With love, 

Bilbo. 

P.S. Sorry about the mess on the back of the letter, Donna and Frodo wished to draw you both a picture of Erebor. The grey blob is the mountain, the yellow blob on the side of it is Fili and the brown blob is Kili. I think the other blobs are the company but apparently they got distracted… Faunts!


	14. Word travels fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwarves are gossips

YOU HAVE CHILDREN?!   
Bilbo you must commission me a sketch of them, what are Hobbit babies like, how tiny they must be! Oh dear I wish I was there to meet them! I have included a sketch of Dri and Orchid, I am glad you are happy Bilbo. I miss you so much.   
~Ori

Sorry Bilbo, I kind of let the news about your adopted children slip and now everyone wants to see baby hobbits! Can we please have more pictures? We loved them, please tell Donna and Frodo that.  
~Kili

Sorry! Kili still has a big mouth but no one has told Uncle… unless you wish us to? We have started speaking to him properly again but it’s slow going… thank you Bilbo.   
~Fili

Now you’ve done it, how am I supposed to keep them away when you spill the beans Bilbo?! I’m glad you finally wrote and told them, means you’re healing. Bifur and Bombur send their love.   
~Bofur

 

*****

Dear Bilbo, 

Thank you. Thank you for whatever you said to my boys, they have not looked so happy since you left and as their mother it has been killing me. I hear congratulations are in order; adopted or not children are a wonderful blessing, if you feel the urge for more I am happy to send you my two for a while.

You will be a wonderful father; I wish you all the best. 

Dis.


	15. Discarded words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin knows something is up...

Dearest Bilbo, 

Something has changed, the company all seem lighter of late and I must believe that it has something to do with you. I do not know what you did but thank you, again I owe you a debt I cannot pay. 

The years pass slowly without you, I find myself living for these yearly letters. My office floor is covered with discarded drafts, Balin thinks I am working hard on other matters but I am as always focused on you. Some things don’t change my love. 

Thorin.


	16. A thousand Words

Dear Bofur, 

I have included a picture of Frodo and Donna, please show the others.

All my love,  
Bilbo

 

_On a carefully rolled piece of parchment lay a gently sketched and softly coloured picture of two faunts. The first a young lad with curly dark hair tucked around softly pointed ears, large blue eyes piercing despite the wide smile on his young face. He stood with his thumbs threaded through his belt loops and his shirt only partially tucked. The dirt on his shirt, hands and cheek clear as the daisies held in the joined hands of the younger girl. The girl was not much younger than the boy by looks, she sat softly on the ground with her feet tucked under the folds of her skirt the flowers held to her chest. Her eyes were equally large and icily blue just as the boy’s but perhaps that was the artist’s intention. The girl’s hair fell heavy in tight onyx ringlets around her face and to her shoulders but she had a single braid framing one side of her face, her lips held the gentlest of curves in a familiar cheeky smirk. The tips of her ears poked through her curls alluding to her Hobbit Heritage, but there was something otherworldly and mysterious about the young girl which gave you pause. Something familiar but impossible, unless you were one of the three who knew better._


End file.
